Mom is gone today. She has a church conference to go to.

So I am in charge!!! Muahahahahaha!!!

I mean, this will be an excellent opportunity to test all my home-ec skills.

We just had the following conversation, none of which is made up or exaggerated…no, I am not lying. I know this is insanely inane.

Me (trying to turn on my desk lamp which has not been working for 2 days): Argh! Would one of you run downstairs and get me a new 40-watt bulb? Mine burned out I think.

Ben: Oh…I meant to tell you, I took your lightbulb.

Me: What? It’s right here, it’s just dead.

Ben: You know how Sophie’s lamp is really bright?

Me: Yeah…

Ben: That’s cause she has your good bulb. I put the old one in your lamp.

Me: WHAT? What the hell! Why?

Ben: I was helping her with math.

Me: So you took my lightbulb and replaced it with a broken one.

Ben: While I was helping her I sort of hit the lamp with the telephone so the wire thingy

Me: Filament.

Ben: Whatever. I hit it with the phone kind of hard so it broke and Sophie was trying to work in the dark and it was annoying cause she was whining and so I took your bulb and gave you the broken one.

Me: You couldn’t have gone downstairs and gotten a new one?

Ben: It’s like in Robin Hood, when you take from the rich and give to the poor.

Me: No. It’s not.

Ben: Yes! Like if a rich person has two boats and the poor person has zero then I come and eventually everyone has one boat and it’s even!

Me: That is a stupid comparison! This is like if a rich person has a boat they take care of and a poor person has a boat that they ruin because you hit it with a telephone reciever then you steal the rich person’s boat!!!  Also, I’ve been complaining about it for days and you just ignored it?

Ben: I meant to switch it out later….plus, you don’t even take that good care of your boat!

Me: YOU hit the BOAT with a PHONE which is why it broke, you moron!

Sophie: Boat?

Then we all collapsed in hysterical laughter.

I hope Mom comes home soon.