Au Contraire, SnapeADoodle

Sophie and I are playing 20 Questions.

I have been taking Logic this year (memoria press), and I absolutely love it. It makes perfect sense, is fascinating, and the teacher is funny.

Ben has occasionally wandered through when I’ve been watching the DVD.

Me: OK, I’m thinking of something.

Sophie: Ummm…animal, vegetable, or mineral?

Ben: No Soph, don’t ask that! What you ask is, How many notes does it have?

Me: …four.

Ben:  Sophie, that means it’s animated but not sentient. So it’s an animal.

I pretty much just stood there in shock. How many 13-year-olds, without studying, memorize the Poryphyian Tree?

I am proud to be his sister =)

I Rather Missed Blogging

Driving. BLAHHHH.

I would be perfectly happy and an excellent driver….if only there was no reverse, neutral, hills, highway, or curves.

Since there are, I really, really loathe driving.

I tend to use the word “stupid” a lot. My mother has bellowed the word “JEEEEZUS” twice. I have hit the garage door 3 times. I have pointed out to my parents that this is not as bad as their friend’s son, who drove over a TREE, approximately 18 times.

On the other hand, driving has brought out some interesting differences in my parents.

Dad tends to stiffen as a passenger, beginning with the garage (which I ONLY hit 3 times), and constantly give little tips, such as “track the curve!” or “stay to the left!”. His right foot is in a constant state of extension, and he taps (by which I mean “crushes”) it vigorously against the floorboards when I need to brake.

He also has this tendency to speak like a robot as soon as he gets into the passenger seat (true example: “Prepare to execute the lateral maneuver!”) and to warn me of all possible emergencies that could arise (true example: Notice the pedestrians!”) (Note to the true example: they were 3 blocks away).

True example #3:

Dad: Watch out for this truck up here!

Mom: Doug. It’s 200 yards away and on the other side of the road.

Mom, on the other hand, tends to remain silent (read: off in her own little world of knitting and books and singing) and only speak up when there are actual emergencies, such as I am about to hit a sign on the highway.  Until she gets a bee in her bonnet, and then I’m in trouble. She likes to invent little excercises, such as “Drive 20 miles per hour while telling me how to make a proper turn” or “take a mint while keeping your eyes on the road”.

I never anticipated that she would be the calmer parent in the passenger seat.

I once asked how she did it, and she said “valium”. Ha. Ha.

Ben and Sophie are forced to be my passengers, and spend most of their time cracking jokes.

Actual conversation from last week:

Mom: Look out your window and tell me if you see the lines.

Me: NOOOO! I’ll crash.

Mom: No you won’t honey, just look quickly.

Me: NO! Stupid lines.

Mom: DO. IT.

Me: (Looks. And immediately swerves to the left) STUPID DRIVING!

Mom: Oh Lordy. Did you see them?

Me: What?

Mom: The lines, sweetheart.

Me: Yes. Stupid lines.

Ben: Did you see them out the driver’s window or the passenger’s, Liv?

Ben Goes to Camp

Ben left yesterday morning for Scout Camp. Last year Mom closely supervised his packing, with the idea that this year he would be able to do it himself. So he packed. And according to him, he had “everything all organized”, and everything on the list was included.

So this is how it went:

He was, in his words, “all packed”. Dad queried him, “COMPLETELY TOTALLY PACKED? 100% PACKED?” Because Dad is familiar with how Ben’s mind works. Ben assured him that he had everything on the list.

This here is the list in question. Ben had indeed read it and marked it extensively.

He was, in fact, so prepared that he felt free to engage in the ancient Boy Scout Tradition of Interpretive Packing Dance.

Dad, on the other hand, was not so confident. He insisted on reading the list to Ben whilst Ben rummaged through his trunk to make certain he had the item in question. This is just a brief snippet of their conversation:

Dad: Bug spray. Do you have bug spray?

Ben: Umm…I think maybe I forgot that.

 

Dad: Well, let’s be finding some. Do you have sunscreen?

Ben: Yes.

Dad: How much?

Ben: One of those pink bottles.

Dad: Is it full?

Ben: Kinda full.

Dad: How full?

Ben: Kinda full.

Dad: Let me feel it. (feels it…) Ben, there is NOTHING IN HERE! You get some appropriate sunscreen and you get some right now!

Ben: OK.

Dad: How many shirts are you bringing?

Ben: Umm…three.

Dad: Ben, you’ll be gone for a week.

Ben: So?

 Also, Ben is a fan of the Throw It In There method of packing, which made it pretty much impossible to find anything at all.

He does not subscribe to ordinary reason such as, Put Your Sleeping Bag on Top So You Can Find It When You Get There.

He also neglected to pack any shoes until Dad reminded him.

 

And the saga continues….

MomQuotes

is the title of a new page I have just published, containing all the wacky things my mother has said over the years. There will of course be more as soon as I get my act together and think of them.

Meanwhile, here is a list of DadQuotes (he has a bunch too, but not enough for a separate page and ParentQuotes didn’t have the same ring to it.)

• When God was handing out brains, he thought he said trains and said, “I’ll take the next one”.
• This could be a positive thing.
• If your mother wakes up there’s gonna be hell to pay!
• I’ve met auctioneers who were easier to understand.
• Beats sitting on the back porch poking your eye out with a sharp stick!
• What are you thinking?
• Buddy, buddy, buddy.
• There are one-there are two- there are SEVERAL reasons why this was a bad idea.
• It’d be one thing if you were playing consertos, but….
• Don’t escalate.
• You’re escalating!
• Stop escalating!
• What is going on here?
• Ask your mother.